A Year To Myself

February last year, I became single after ending an 11-month long relationship, which was beautiful enough to last for a time but not forever. And funnily as if there wasn’t any better time, on that perfect lovely day when exclusively (or not) dating young men and ladies, boyfriends and girlfriends, engaged and married couples, and all other kinds of lovers were celebrating their love – February 14, 2013 – I declared to all my systems from my split ends to the callouses on my toes that at least for one year, I will have no other lover than myself. That was a deal.

And I made it to a year all to myself.

During little gatherings with friends or side chats with officemates, a usual question would make its way to the conversation, “Don’t you miss dating someone?” Damn it, of course I do. I miss that feeling, you know what I’m talking about.

But the question, though tempting and strongly suggestive, also appeared to challenge me as to how far I can go with the deal. And I’m glad I managed to keep myself at pace.

Through this period, albeit relatively short, I believe I’ve come to understand a lot about loving myself and the lessons keep coming.

1. Love yourself and love it more each and every day. Because it is wise to realize that if in case no one else will be there to love you, you have your very own self who will never leave you come what may.

2. Those who leave are not meant to stay. So please don’t allot an eternity to mourn over a breakup. You don’t have forever to fool around a drama not worth crying for. Always be ready to get your shit together and love again, with a little bit more caution than before.

3. If you love yourself, you become a sturdy foundation of a lasting relationship. Otherwise, your lack of confidence, trust, and respect for yourself might even cause your partner to question him/herself how s/he did even come to like you.

I know it sounds like I recommend staying single. Well, up to you. We all have our own preferences in life. Go figure it out. 😉

Love,
Ayna

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A Year To Myself

My Vanity Purse Tells Me I’m Not Girl Enough

It bothered me. I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed when I came across a friend’s post with a photograph of what’s inside her vanity purse – that bag bulging with for-girls-only stuff.

So this friend has a “MAC Lippie in Chatterbox, Revlon Colorstay in Muse, The Face Shop Power Perfection Bb Cream, L’oreal Hope Eyeshadow Quad, Maybelline Great Lash Mascara, Covergirl Trublend Bronzer, Mary Kay Timewise Powder Foundation, Old Navy Lip Gloss, and an Avon Liquid Liner.”

I was like…?????? Sure I know lip gloss, liquid liner, cream, and the other familiar girl things. But that was the first time I heard of bronzer, colorstay; and what’s a Bb cream? And what do they mean by “power perfection”? Sounds impressive though, like the product can turn you into a goddess whatsoever, or a Galadriel (Cate Blanchett, The Lord of the Rings).

Out of some pesky curiosity of why I don’t have those girl stuff, and in the very first place, why they seem new to me, I took out my own purse to see what have I got for my “lady-hood.”

AY_05So I got myself:

  • a spray hand sanitizer
  • a gel hand sanitizer
  • a lip balm
  • a kiddie toothbrush
  • a tiny toothpaste
  • [something like] a hair twiner
  • a lip gloss
  • a pair of tweezers
  • a dental floss
  • a face mirror
  • a hair tie

Then, I wondered if I’m being girl enough. My vanity purse sure lacks the sense of “lady-hood” it’s supposed to possess, but thanks a lot anyway to that knickknack on top of the bag itself. It’s so South Korea, thanks to my previous boss! 🙂

But then I realized (so there’s the cliche, hahaha), makeup is not really my thing, and I mean, not at all. I don’t want them, first of all. Of course, I tried keeping and using some, but they barely held my attention. I do adore dolled up faces because they really are beautiful…oftentimes, stunning! But me sparing at least a quarter of an hour for makeup? Never mind. I better water my lonely euphorbia, Bella, and make coffee and slice some cheese, or take a few photos of my table’s centerpiece.

But then again, am I girl enough? Because my vanity purse tells me I’m not, but I want to tell it, “Let’s not burden ourselves with what we don’t want. Be happy with what you carry for me, because they are what I want, and you make sense to me.” 😀

Sunday good vibes with Love, Ayna 😉

My Vanity Purse Tells Me I’m Not Girl Enough