A Love Long Overdue

I lost my best friend to the decision we made long past – to gamble such a one of a kind friendship for a love we thought we could survive. We made a pretty long run for it, and all seven years of giving up and fighting for it again, gone now and not a piece of that past seems repairable. Like every broken piece could only hurt.

I am uncertain as to what point I have for writing this. What’s undeniable though is that I miss my best friend [badly] and it hurts to realize that time, and perhaps all of the universe, has buried our friendship that was witness to a very lovely story in the past. I wish we could talk again the way we did, without inhibitions, just frank, but with hugs kept ready in case one had to cry or lose temper.

It’s safe to say that I was everything to my best friend and I liked it, only that I had most of my decisions shadowed by fears, hesitations, and my unacceptance of the reality I was faced with. I lost grip, gave up, and left my best friend fighting alone for nothing. I loved my best friend but this was often tainted with my doubts about the future, our future. I used to imagine it but each time I did, I would end up losing engine at a crossroad; from there I would stop. I chose to.

Now, what more could I ask for my best friend than the happiness deserved. I didn’t stand for what my best friend was fighting for. So maybe this time I could do good in wishing well.

I hope you are happy now. If we meet again one day, you might never hear the same words I used to say. You just have to remember that I loved you in some special way.

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A Love Long Overdue

My Birthday Wishlist

Yo ho, it’s time for another wishlist! I got here a few stuff, which I’d love to name, in hopes that at least two of my friends, and I mean my brother and my sister, would see this list…and you know what should happen next. 😀

1. A quality set of colored pencils. I miss killing time with some hobbies, honestly.

2. A thick sketch pad. No more pages to draw on. Pity.

3. Lots of white and silver paint. I believe that every now and then I will find something good to paint white or silver. Can be a broken toy, an old ladle or something.

4. Half-dozen pairs of pants. Other than the two most probable reasons why I don’t have a lot of pants (a. I didn’t have time to shop when I had the money / b. I didn’t have money when I had time to shop), I’m not sure, too, why I don’t have at least enough pants.

Or yeah, maybe because I’ve cut most of them more than halfway through the length. I have a good number of shorts. 😀

5. A lovely scarf. Always a gift I wish for!

6. Time. *Now wishing for the impossible.* Someone please buy me at least half a year more because I’m so damn not ready for thiiiiiiiisss, hohoho!

But then, it’s TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK. In 18 minutes, it’s gonna be my <insert figure here>th Birthdaaaayyyy! Waaaaaaaahhh…

To God, my God, please bless this day.

Inshallah.

My Birthday Wishlist

My Summer I-Really-Wish List

AGbyVS21. SURFING BOARD. I’ve always loved the beach and everything about it – naturally beautiful from sunrise to sundown. More often than not, I enjoy watching people skimboarding – trying and trying really hard not to stumble off their boards and *BLAAGGG*!!! Skadoosh. I laugh because admittedly “the moment of fall” is usually funny…so I laugh. Uhm, yes, boisterously, HAHAHA! (No mean intentions) 🙂

I envy them, too. I’ve also always dreamed of becoming a surfing pro. Seriously? Seriously. Someone might say, “That.is.SO.NOT.you.” Of course, but I’m serious anyway. I drool over movies about surfing while imagining myself the surfing champ in the story. You know Blue Crush? Good Lord, I envy Dana and the other female surfing pros. They’re great, they’re amazing, and of course, the stunt people if there were any.

I wish I know how to surf. I really wish, so I could just play with waves big time.

2. CELLO. Summer music? What crosses my mind first is reggae of Uncle Bob. Then party songs, line dance music, countryside beat. But I want music from the cello. Ye~ah, it’s low-toned, a bit lonely and boring, but to me it sounds exactly like…music. Familiar with Steven Sharp Nelson of The Piano Guys? He’s exceptional at playing the cello and yes, I’m a fan!

I wish I know how to play the cello. I really wish, so I could just play the kind of music I love.

3. OFFICE DESK ON THE BEACH. Who wouldn’t want that? If only I could drag my desk to the shore, I wouldn’t mind rendering OTs. Moon bathing is just as lovely!

I really wish, so I could somehow play while working.

4. MOTORBIKE. I tried, I swear I tried learning how to maneuver a motorbike but it was either I couldn’t make a right turn or I drove straight into the ditch! But if only I know how to, I would’ve driven down the countryside, escape the city to somewhere where I could breathe in real air and wouldn’t have to sneeze it back out. I would’ve packed for myself a good snack, which I would slowly munch at a layby while taking in the offers of the rustic side of the world.

I wish I know how to drive. I really wish, so I could just play with the bike, with my balance, with the road, and with each lovely passing sight.

5. JARVIS. Right, Iron Man. If I have my own Just-ARather-Very-Intelligent-System, I would have something slash someone to do the hassle for me.

I really wish, so I could just play lazy, LOL!

BUT matter-of-factly, I’m merely wishing upon the summer skies. It’s fine, I’m not really on a crazy chase for these things, but at least I’ve thought of some things to wish for. It’s fun! For now, I’m just gonna play all I can, the way I can.

Wishing you love this summer, Ayna 🙂

My Summer I-Really-Wish List