Quarter Life Crisis on the Brighter Side

…and finally.

It’s been a fairly lengthy layover since my last post and it feels awesome [and a bit strange?] to be back! I’m sorry to disappoint myself though [and if anyone else] that nothing much has happened except for at least four vivid and vague circumstances:

  1. I am now officially a slave of my corporate designation, which I kind of expected.
  2. It took me by gigantic surprise that my very good old friend, who’s been away for like 13 years, came knocking on my quarter life door and asking me out to explore possibilities of spending time together for like a period of forever.
  3. And just when we were about to kill the annoying distance between us, like a hemisphere far, he went –errr– gone?
  4. I’m turning 25 next week, be officially vested with the rights and responsibilities of womanhood – and I’m taking it like a severely ridiculous joke.

But how does it feel to be turning 25 anyway? Ha, the same question I asked this very good old friend slash short-time long distance lover. I never got the answer anyway…’cause that was supposed to be discussed on mornings over coffee. Which never happened. Don’t ask why. So I’ll try to answer it for myself at least. And I thought I wasn’t going to talk about turning 25 here. Gah!

Default feeling – scary. “Both scary and exciting,” so to complete the cliche. I have been swayed to believe by whatever force that those are somewhat “required” emotions from anyone experiencing QLC (quarter life crisis). Otherwise, you will be thought of as someone who doesn’t care about plans, timelines, goals; doesn’t care that you’re not getting any younger and you could be exhausting your life span anytime soon. But the question is, is the pressure @#$%^&* real?

Precious YES. For myself at least. Career. Education. Relationships. Acquired skills. “Nice” hobbies. Lifestyle. Health. Promotions. Degrees. A place to call yours. A car to drive. Engagement. Wife, husband. Family. Kids. Investments. Insurance. And the list just goes on and on, you surely know. Drives you nuts!

But then, of course, I make my escape from the mental and emotional riot, especially when all these are becoming inhumanly overwhelming. As if it’s torture, yea? Well, believe me, if you don’t handle these thoughts well, they can do for you a bloody imaginary hemorrhage.

On a more serious note [and this popped up just now], to be turning 25, for me, is taking advantage of this little time to recap, reevaluate, and reorganize your plans if necessary.

  1. Recap – How has life been since the farthest past you can recall? What did you do with your 25 years? How did you do coming along through all these years?
  2. Reevaluate – So, you think you made the right turns, right decisions so far? Did your decisions make way for you to a better future life? Were you right at choosing this and that person to let go?
  3. Reorganize plans – If necessary, why not? Plans are plans, not curses you sold your soul for. If you realize you suck at making life decisions, ask for help. I swear you will die bored figuring your own life all by yourself. You need your family, friends, and perhaps a few more strangers to mess up your life a bit more. LOL! If you realize you’ve hurt someone, don’t go on pretending like you aren’t feeling guilty at all. Pick up your phone or drop a message. A sincere “I’m sorry” won’t bite. Right, it’s not easy but it’s not like you’ve got to find the end of infinity first before you say it.

And all that I’m saying to myself as well. 🙂 Those three Rs (recap, reevaluate, reorganize) make me shiver, at the same time, giddy – scared and excited. Well, that’s how it is I guess. Life is meant to be imperfect, otherwise it’s just one monotonous …boring… something. So embrace yourself for who you have become – either you celebrate it or forgive and make peace with yourself. Acknowledge your being part of a universal system and be grateful that you’re a part of it. The universe doesn’t exclude anyone nor anything. In fact, we don’t have a choice but to join it, dead or alive. You know, no one is given the right to be so alone.

So how do I conclude how it is to be turning 25? Well –[thinking]– I’d say, “I’m throwing one helluva grandiose party and the universe is my crowd.” 😉

Oh yes, you are cordially invited!

 

See ya! Love,
Ayna

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Quarter Life Crisis on the Brighter Side

Planning Out A Few Firsts

I don’t quite understand how I should feel for 2014. YET. Because it’s going to be the year of the great Quarter Life Crisis…for me, and of course for those my age, particularly those who will be experiencing QLC on time like poor me here. I’m expecting much of driving-myself-crazy and troubling my friends with emotions I couldn’t possibly contain, oftentimes uncontrolled stress eating and then feeling stupid for having eaten too much, crying quiet and out loud, decisions, decisions.

I’ve felt QLC even when 2013 was yet ending and I found myself looking kind of stupid staring blankly somewhere. And then I had to realize as well that I was looking like I’m in deep thoughts, like deciding whether to pursue a crime or planning out how to end the year in a way nobody could have imagined. This is a weird world, haha!

So…so…so before more of this QLC take me to I-Wonder-Land, I thought I should list down a few things I wish to do for the first time. 🙂 Down there.

1. Spend a weekend in a local island “alone.” Of course, I wish for some me-time. I’m a believer of solitude and that we need it from time to time. Nothing much, but to simply enjoy the comfort of being alone, the quiet, the space and everything in it – fresh air, bird songs, sea breeze perhaps, the greenery, and all that. Simple precious bliss of that kind.

2. Go out of the country “alone”. I’m not a loner, let me clarify that. But I believe those people who testify that traveling alone could reveal to you unbelievably many wonders about the world, the humanity, and one’s self. I want that experience. Badly enough. I could imagine myself somewhat lost in an unfamiliar place, figuring out where to go with the help of a handy-dandy map, smiling or nodding or “hello-ing” at strangers I’d find weird and amazing. I’d taste the local street food, visit public hubs and get a feel of how it is to belong to their community. I’d buy a few knick knacks as souvenirs, click here and there, just take photos of this and that. Make friends! Ohhh, make new friends, and see for myself how I would handle the strangeness of being suddenly friends with strangers. Lovely! 🙂

3. Mold a ceramic. I’ve watched fairly several movies and series with scenes where characters are making pots and vases. I remember one movie played by Demi Moore and a co-actor with a slightly intimate scene while doing pottery. Ghost? Or some title like that. Anyway, I want to experience the process of making something beautiful like ceramic vases. I love vases, that’s one. Because I love flowers and I love flowers in vases perched somewhere by the window or wherever the bloomers could bathe under the sunlight passing through doors and windows. I thought I envy the experience of your own hands’ grace shaping something out of mud, which has to turn out as something pretty. There’s one province just outside a border of the metro, which as I’ve heard is home to makers of ceramics. I don’t have to do this one alone. I could go with my sister and my brothers, mom and dad, if they’re here in the north by that time. I wish to learn it with my family, from where I got these bits and pieces of creativity. 🙂

So, good wishes to me and may I be able to add some more along the way so that by the end of this hopefully wonderful year, I will have been so done with my dear quarter life crisis.

Wishin’ you all the best,
Ayna

Planning Out A Few Firsts