A Year To Myself

February last year, I became single after endingย an 11-month long relationship, which was beautiful enough to last for a time but not forever. And funnily as if there wasn’t any better time, on that perfect lovely day when exclusively (or not) dating young men and ladies, boyfriends and girlfriends, engaged and married couples, and all other kinds of lovers were celebrating their love – February 14, 2013 – I declared to all my systems from my split ends to the callouses on my toes that at least for one year, I will have no other lover than myself. That was a deal.

And I made it to a year all to myself.

During little gatherings with friends or side chats with officemates, a usual question would make its way to the conversation, “Don’t you miss dating someone?” Damn it, of course I do. I miss that feeling, you know what I’m talking about.

But theย question, though tempting and strongly suggestive, also appeared to challenge me as to how far I can go with the deal. And I’m glad I managed to keep myself at pace.

Through this period, albeit relatively short, I believe I’ve come to understand a lot about loving myself and the lessons keep coming.

1. Love yourself and love it more each and every day. Because it is wise to realize that if in case no one else will be there to love you, you have your very own self who will never leave you come what may.

2. Those who leave are not meant to stay. So please don’t allot an eternity to mourn over a breakup. You don’t have forever to fool around a drama not worth crying for. Always be ready to get your shit together and love again, with a little bit more caution than before.

3. If you love yourself, you become a sturdy foundation of a lasting relationship. Otherwise, your lack of confidence, trust, and respect for yourself might even cause your partner to question him/herself how s/he did even come to like you.

I know it sounds like I recommend staying single. Well, up to you. We all have our own preferences in life. Go figure it out.ย ๐Ÿ˜‰

Love,
Ayna

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A Year To Myself

The Song of the Last Tear

Stay there, play the guitar

I’ll sit here, listening from afar

Tickle the strings while I fix my wings

Play your music, the curse to our broken rings.

Sit there, play the piano

I’ll hear it and I’ll tell you, “Bravo”

My heart will bleed, blood coming out clear

Look away, I’ll now embrace to death my fear.

But if you see it, please don’t ask

Believe you only see a very sad mask

My pain is not yours anymore

Worry not, I’ll find a cure to what you tore.

Tomorrow, I will wake up and smile

At the love we shared for long but seemed just a while

Tomorrow, I’ll seek answers, please don’t care

Else you’ll see the pain in me, just beware.

And I’m telling you it’s not for you to see

This pain, this nightmare haunting me

So strum the guitar, play the piano

Close your eyes, my dear musico.

Play the music that broke my heart

Close those eyes I used to see as art

Take our memories with you or leave them somewhere

And now, I’ll close my eyes to free this last tear.

The Song of the Last Tear

Love is strange. The man I was happiest with was…”stranger”.

Now all I can do is smile in disbelief; a smirk onto a feeling I’ve got to figure what exactly.

Good Lord, how on earth can love be so nonsense? And in that sense, it’s just got interesting.

Need no beer, need no smoke, it’s all clear; I got myself into loving a stranger for a damn good year. “Somebody that I used to know” – a song whose singer I can’t recall and I’d rather type what I’m saying now than “google” it – is in my playlist. People, I feel for these lines:

“But you didn’t have to cut me off

Make it like it never happened, and that we were nothing…

Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.”

And only to realize and ask, “Was he really somebody that I used to know?” It’s striking, annoying, maddening, frustrating, and pretty interesting.

An exaggerated comparison but please let me, for the sake of honesty and liberty.ย One year felt like a one-night stand with a stranger. It was there, it was good, and then it’s gone, so what now?

Nothing, just nothing. After all, the end simply justified the mean. We started as strangers at a table with cups of coffee and tea. Love isn’t so strange then. Now, we’re back to being strangers, like we’ve always been.

Love is strange. The man I was happiest with was…”stranger”.

A Pretty Prize

3 bracelets aynaM’s little sister turned seven last Sunday and she had a Lalaloopsy party with select friends. Only on the very day, by the time M’s mom arrived from the grocery and the cake stores was I told about my role in the kiddie party. Of course I knew I would have to help in setting up the table, preparing the prizes, blowing balloons, and all other party preliminaries. What I didn’t know was that I was to host the party games! ๐Ÿ˜€

Thanks a whole lot to my boyfriend for volunteering meย (actually). HAHAHA He’s craaazzzyyy!ย But I had to admit I actually had fun with the little lalaloopsy-crazed ladies. I felt much younger at least for two hours. So, it’s true – the older you get, the more you miss your childhood. ๐Ÿ™‚

I wouldn’t have wished for any form of pay for hosting, a thank-you would’ve been enough, but why should I refuse a pretty little prize? HeHeHe! So I got a prize from M’s mom, a bracelet slash bangle! And I swear I love it. Yeyyy, thanks Tita! ๐Ÿ™‚

 

A Pretty Prize

We. Love. Art.

M, my boyfriend, isn’t the type who’d be genuinely amazed or stunned with things arty. A musician by heart, a little too conscious with his outfit (always making sure that at least he doesn’t look like a couch potato who’s gone out straight from bed), very good at color coordination, but not someone who can draw something nicely. HaHaHa, sorry Honey! ๐Ÿ˜€

But he surely has hands for origami, his chosen form of art. And I love that fact! So, here’s a picture of what he made (top) as a suitor’s Valentines present for his girl. ๐Ÿ˜‰ A basket of paper lilies, and if my judgment serves me right, the white ones are moonflowers.

I’m not sure if he knew what lilies symbolize, but as additional knowledge at least for those who want some, lilies can mean unions, partnerships, and long lasting relationships. In the movie Imagine Me and You, giving lilies meant, “I dare you to love me.”

And then, for our first month celebration, I painted his Valentines present (bottom). Of course, we know well how the dare went on. And it wouldn’t be just for once ’cause I’m accepting the challenge every day and will always be on for it! I’m love-struck and love-crazed. ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

We. Love. Art.

Love & Morning Sugar Rush

November 2.ย I had to leave home very early since I didn’t intend to wear a “sweat-look” from chasing time through rush hours. So I left at 6:15, took a short ride to the ย van terminal, and got myself some little space at the backseat, between a fat man and a skinny boy.

I found my target location, which was the office, at exactly 7:10. Luckily and unluckily. “Right, pretty good two hours,” I thought. And justified by not having eaten breakfast at home, I backtracked a little to this popular-but-not-necessarily-pretty town mall, where I found Jollibeeeee! ๐Ÿ˜€

Not many diners and I loved it. That kind of ambiance I needed. I ordered a pancake meal (2 pancakes, a small cup of butter, another small cup of maple syrup), which came with a cup of hot chocolate. This sugar-sweet grace. ๐Ÿ™‚

Truly, I was just killing time there, idling with my cup of chocolate, daydreaming through my playlist on my phone, watching people come and go unhurriedly.

Unhurriedly, of course, it was November 2 – a Halloween holiday. And there I was with everything I brought with me, composing myself for a nearing job interview. HaHaHa. I could’ve been pissed by the fact, but honestly and surprisingly enough, I wasn’t. I had a truly relaxing me-time and I simply loved it. ๐Ÿ™‚P.S. I didn’t really have any business with my lovely handy-dandy notebook and this wealthy-looking pen [I’ve bought at only 15 pesos]. I took them out just for this photo! ๐Ÿ˜€

‘Til my next me-time, and may it be so soon. ๐Ÿ˜‰

*label designs “greatly” inspired by le zoe musings*

Love & Morning Sugar Rush