Ten Years Later

I hate the thought of having to feel weird about coming home. I have here in my flat a pair of luggage, a box, and a backpack; and it’s strange to see them all ready for my flight in the next ten days. I’m half excited, half anxious because this time, it’s gonna be “for real” and I’m bringing with me ten years of my life back home. It’s not as if I’ve been living in the other hemisphere – not even out of the country – but I’d love to exaggerate things a bit, so I will.

When I left home for university ten years ago, I had a grandiose plan. I brought with me some big dreams. I’d be this, I’d be that. And I dreamed and daydreamed of them at every chance I had. I did imagine gathering flattering titles and then landing on a really nice job in the metropolis, where I’d have to always put on corporate clothes and talk big things with big people. Sooner, I’d be rich. I was ambitious. In fact, very ambitious and it was a good thing, except that life, surprisingly or not, didn’t go as planned.

I thought…I thought…I thought of so many things…of a different kind of life – one that’s different from what’s coming home with me. 

Ten years later, what have I become?

Precisely not how I imagined it. I look at myself in the mirror and I am ordinary and life’s definitely far from grand. No titles garnered, no flattering awards, no overwhelming place that I personally own, no car, no hacker-friendly bank accounts. Oh, and not yet married, got no kids! But I managed to work for a company though small was award-winning, and where I had to look business-y when talking big things with big guys. It somehow made me richer – at least a bit richer than when I was just imagining life after school. That’s basically the story.

When I think of all those years and chances gone, it’s only failure after failure I could see. Errors, I’m made of errors. The beautiful token expected of a ten-year story turned into a rusty trophy made of brittle pieces. Many times I asked myself, “What have I done?”

Then I see my bags and boxes all packed with my story of ten years away from home. “Who have I become?” I smile a pretty one because there are so many things to be truly grateful for. I had my plans but God had a story to tell.

My purpose for leaving home was university but life took me to a maze full of right and wrong turns. I made it a point to be always different but I found joy in sisterhood, friendship, and belongingness. I prayed so hard that life be grand but I bumped into its simplicity and I felt the bliss.

I was wrong to believe that this decade-long adventure was all about beating expectations and chasing dreams. Nobody told me I was to live a story to make me understand who I am, accept what I am not, and be grateful for all that there is.

Thank God. It’s been lovely. Now, fly me home.

Love,
Ayna

 

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Ten Years Later

Got a new couch, absolutely FREE!

So I was like gone for a couple of weeks, sleeplessly preparing for our event, which, thank God, turned out very well. And now, I’m back in the “real world”…where I make my way home at the end of the day, find my bed with my pillows and blanket to lull me to sleep, the green and white curtains ever refreshing, the toilet I am most comfortable with…and of course my messy heap of clothes. Make that “very messy”. @_@

Tsa-daaa, there’s my NEW BED!

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It’s a couch, I know. It’s new and I got it for FREE, yeyyy! 😀

So after a whole week of five-star living, which I barely felt because of such unbelievable workload, I came home thinking I’d find my bed ready or unready to hug me. But I actually ended up on this comfy couch, which is quite clingy, it wouldn’t let me stand up no matter how hungry I was. I slept and slept and slept on it like there was no tomorrow. In fact, I’ve started this post several hours ago but since my new bed is just right there and I could easily see it…well, I’ve been taking good naps for several hours, too. 🙂

So I think I just got myself a new resting place, where I could just throw myself to before heading upstairs for the “real sleep”.

I’m tired but I feel fulfilled. I’m very tired but I have a “new bed” FOR FREE, so who cares? Haha! I’m dead tired but it was aaall worth it. Thank God! 😉

Got a new couch, absolutely FREE!

The Way Things Should Be. Simply Beautiful.

AY_03AY_04It’s been a long week of chasing deadlines, haggling with time, damnation over work, sudden changes, traffic troubles, and everything you couldn’t believe you’ve been doing religiously. It’s crazy outside, yeah? 🙂

So here’s my sweet weekend to lull me to rest and kill time lazily. Good vibes got the better of me, first thing in the morning. So I grabbed my phone and took some snap shots of the things I find “simply beautiful”. 🙂

Just to mention, inside that pretty white ceramic are spicy peanuts. I’m thinking of buying  a few packs of roasted sunflower seeds to replace them. I just discovered my love for roasted sunflower seeds when twice this week, ze boss brought some, and WOOOOP, “I love it so munch!” (Growers brand’s tagline). 🙂

And there they are, things that are quite simple and surprisingly beautiful. I pray, and always will, that things…that life…will sooner be. 🙂

Weekend wishes with love, Ayna 😉

The Way Things Should Be. Simply Beautiful.

My Summer I-Really-Wish List

AGbyVS21. SURFING BOARD. I’ve always loved the beach and everything about it – naturally beautiful from sunrise to sundown. More often than not, I enjoy watching people skimboarding – trying and trying really hard not to stumble off their boards and *BLAAGGG*!!! Skadoosh. I laugh because admittedly “the moment of fall” is usually funny…so I laugh. Uhm, yes, boisterously, HAHAHA! (No mean intentions) 🙂

I envy them, too. I’ve also always dreamed of becoming a surfing pro. Seriously? Seriously. Someone might say, “That.is.SO.NOT.you.” Of course, but I’m serious anyway. I drool over movies about surfing while imagining myself the surfing champ in the story. You know Blue Crush? Good Lord, I envy Dana and the other female surfing pros. They’re great, they’re amazing, and of course, the stunt people if there were any.

I wish I know how to surf. I really wish, so I could just play with waves big time.

2. CELLO. Summer music? What crosses my mind first is reggae of Uncle Bob. Then party songs, line dance music, countryside beat. But I want music from the cello. Ye~ah, it’s low-toned, a bit lonely and boring, but to me it sounds exactly like…music. Familiar with Steven Sharp Nelson of The Piano Guys? He’s exceptional at playing the cello and yes, I’m a fan!

I wish I know how to play the cello. I really wish, so I could just play the kind of music I love.

3. OFFICE DESK ON THE BEACH. Who wouldn’t want that? If only I could drag my desk to the shore, I wouldn’t mind rendering OTs. Moon bathing is just as lovely!

I really wish, so I could somehow play while working.

4. MOTORBIKE. I tried, I swear I tried learning how to maneuver a motorbike but it was either I couldn’t make a right turn or I drove straight into the ditch! But if only I know how to, I would’ve driven down the countryside, escape the city to somewhere where I could breathe in real air and wouldn’t have to sneeze it back out. I would’ve packed for myself a good snack, which I would slowly munch at a layby while taking in the offers of the rustic side of the world.

I wish I know how to drive. I really wish, so I could just play with the bike, with my balance, with the road, and with each lovely passing sight.

5. JARVIS. Right, Iron Man. If I have my own Just-ARather-Very-Intelligent-System, I would have something slash someone to do the hassle for me.

I really wish, so I could just play lazy, LOL!

BUT matter-of-factly, I’m merely wishing upon the summer skies. It’s fine, I’m not really on a crazy chase for these things, but at least I’ve thought of some things to wish for. It’s fun! For now, I’m just gonna play all I can, the way I can.

Wishing you love this summer, Ayna 🙂

My Summer I-Really-Wish List

The Perks of Being a Holiday Worker

May 1.

It’s Labor Day (a national holiday indeed) and I just came home from WORK! Wiw, awesome. But seriously, I could’ve rejoiced wasting the day to my boring hobbies: reading a novel aloud, soaking my dirty clothes in fresh-smelling bubbles, playing my one and only playlist – yes, the entire album of Pitch Perfect – on my laptop, blog-hopping, checking the fridge if our can of ice cream has multiplied, and of course updating myself with the latest gossips in the whole world through Facebook. But I didn’t! I didn’t because as I’ve just said, I just came home from work.

I didn’t regret though. 🙂

WHY? For three things, at least.

1. No traffic. Travel this morning? That was pretty swift. I actually struggled chasing time because it was already 08:00 and some freakin’ bad air was terribly troubling my tummy; and I wouldn’t go until I got darn relieved of it. So I thought, “Fine, I’ll be late.” I hailed a bus at 8:20 and I knew the remaining 40 minutes couldn’t save me from the “Tardy” remark. Just had to move the hell on. But then again, it’s holiday today and the highway was miraculously not jammed with reckless buses. I had a smooth lift to the office and at 8:42, I was already at my desk. Man, I even got to spare some three minutes to forget to log in. So 8:45 – time in. Lovely.

2.  Canape Galore! Mid-morning, my supervisor asked, “What do you want for snacks? The Boss is asking.” Honestly, I wasn’t really after any particular recipe. I was thinking FREE SNACK! Sweet treat. My supervisor wanted Canape, and I like Canape, so be it. And when The Boss came, it was Canape galore!

3. My Tally Board Just Got Sweeter. We were just about to pack up and leave, and call it a holiday, when my supervisor said, “You have new registrations!” Sounded music, yeah. My counts are climbing and my tally board just got sweeter. Way to go, kiddo!

So what’s there to feel wasted about? Out of working on a holiday, I got me a triple-treat, some precious perks of being a happy holiday worker! 🙂

The Perks of Being a Holiday Worker

Things I Worry About At Twenty-Something

Never would’ve realized these things if I, for once or twice, did not get irritated with myself asking these questions over and over again. 🙂

1. What to wear tomorrow? When I get home from work, I don’t usually spend a while longer in my office clothes slash outfit of the day. Of course, they’re already dirty with soot and sweat. So by the time I change for bed clothes, that’s also the minute I start figuring out what to wear the next day. Slacks? Skirt? Dress? What colors am I going for? Heels? Flats? How about the hair-do? And all that outfit shits. It’s both exciting and frustrating; frustrating when I’ve already gone drowsy and I still haven’t figured it out. Then in the morning, I wake up to panic for not having decided what to wear. So I rush to my outrageous heap of clothes, rummage for a good matching outfit, and that takes me…well…a good deal of time, which in such case is bad. And if I spend a little more time rummaging, I’d arrive in the office at 9:02. Two minutes late! Phew. (Thought: Blame the traffic, not me. HAHAHA!)

2. Have I got enough coins for my bus fare? I should know better now how precious it is to be able to find a seat in the bus on your way to work. Otherwise, you have the right to remain standing all throughout the ride rich in “inertia moments” – those sudden brakes that pull you to that stranger in front and bang your head against his bag; and then push you to another stranger behind and you have to say, “Sorry”. Awful.

For that, I make sure I got my both hands to pin me in place the whole time. So before I leave home, I also make sure I have enough coins to pay my exact fare. Not bills because I don’t have an extra hand to take my change and toss it in my coin purse and dunk it into my bag.

3. What to eat for lunch? What time can I eat lunch? I always wonder what time exactly I can eat my lunch. It’s irritatingly amazing how blood red flags and deadlines can keep you pinned down in your station. Bad thing is that the canteen is way down the ground floor. Then you get to look at the bottom-right corner of your monitor, it’s already 3:00 PM; worse, 4:00 PM. Happy lunch, yeeeaah! 🙂

4. I’m not gonna be late for work, am I? Well, I worry about this everyday, starting when I’m halfway through the travel, or oftentimes when I’m just about to grab my bag and go. As calculated, I have to leave home at 7:45 to 7:50 AM. But because of #1 (What to wear) and this unnecessarily long time in the bath, I often take off at 8:00 to 8:10. It’s not like I’ve wasted thirty minutes but when you know traffic is readily waiting to welcome your day, five minutes is just so damn precious!

5. Where to find a pretty dead twig for my soda bottle vase? An unnecessary worry, fine. But because everytime I open the cupboard I see my empty Sola bottle stripped off of its label, I then start to mentally tour around the neighborhood and scout for a pretty dead twig that looks rustic enough to match our apartment’s intended interior. When I go out to buy food, groceries, whatsoever, I look around for this pretty dead twig but so far always unfortunate.

6. MY LAUNDRYYYY!!! When will I ever run out of dirty clothes??? I don’t need to explain this, right? I don’t usually put off doing my laundry but it’s just awfully unbeatable! Good Lord.

Now, if I think of it, at twenty-something, I still think nonsense…a lot. 🙂

Things I Worry About At Twenty-Something