Quarter Life Crisis on the Brighter Side

…and finally.

It’s been a fairly lengthy layover since my last post and it feels awesome [and a bit strange?] to be back! I’m sorry to disappoint myself though [and if anyone else] that nothing much has happened except for at least four vivid and vague circumstances:

  1. I am now officially a slave of my corporate designation, which I kind of expected.
  2. It took me by gigantic surprise that my very good old friend, who’s been away for like 13 years, came knocking on my quarter life door and asking me out to explore possibilities of spending time together for like a period of forever.
  3. And just when we were about to kill the annoying distance between us, like a hemisphere far, he went –errr– gone?
  4. I’m turning 25 next week, be officially vested with the rights and responsibilities of womanhood – and I’m taking it like a severely ridiculous joke.

But how does it feel to be turning 25 anyway? Ha, the same question I asked this very good old friend slash short-time long distance lover. I never got the answer anyway…’cause that was supposed to be discussed on mornings over coffee. Which never happened. Don’t ask why. So I’ll try to answer it for myself at least. And I thought I wasn’t going to talk about turning 25 here. Gah!

Default feeling – scary. “Both scary and exciting,” so to complete the cliche. I have been swayed to believe by whatever force that those are somewhat “required” emotions from anyone experiencing QLC (quarter life crisis). Otherwise, you will be thought of as someone who doesn’t care about plans, timelines, goals; doesn’t care that you’re not getting any younger and you could be exhausting your life span anytime soon. But the question is, is the pressure @#$%^&* real?

Precious YES. For myself at least. Career. Education. Relationships. Acquired skills. “Nice” hobbies. Lifestyle. Health. Promotions. Degrees. A place to call yours. A car to drive. Engagement. Wife, husband. Family. Kids. Investments. Insurance. And the list just goes on and on, you surely know. Drives you nuts!

But then, of course, I make my escape from the mental and emotional riot, especially when all these are becoming inhumanly overwhelming. As if it’s torture, yea? Well, believe me, if you don’t handle these thoughts well, they can do for you a bloody imaginary hemorrhage.

On a more serious note [and this popped up just now], to be turning 25, for me, is taking advantage of this little time to recap, reevaluate, and reorganize your plans if necessary.

  1. Recap – How has life been since the farthest past you can recall? What did you do with your 25 years? How did you do coming along through all these years?
  2. Reevaluate – So, you think you made the right turns, right decisions so far? Did your decisions make way for you to a better future life? Were you right at choosing this and that person to let go?
  3. Reorganize plans – If necessary, why not? Plans are plans, not curses you sold your soul for. If you realize you suck at making life decisions, ask for help. I swear you will die bored figuring your own life all by yourself. You need your family, friends, and perhaps a few more strangers to mess up your life a bit more. LOL! If you realize you’ve hurt someone, don’t go on pretending like you aren’t feeling guilty at all. Pick up your phone or drop a message. A sincere “I’m sorry” won’t bite. Right, it’s not easy but it’s not like you’ve got to find the end of infinity first before you say it.

And all that I’m saying to myself as well. 🙂 Those three Rs (recap, reevaluate, reorganize) make me shiver, at the same time, giddy – scared and excited. Well, that’s how it is I guess. Life is meant to be imperfect, otherwise it’s just one monotonous …boring… something. So embrace yourself for who you have become – either you celebrate it or forgive and make peace with yourself. Acknowledge your being part of a universal system and be grateful that you’re a part of it. The universe doesn’t exclude anyone nor anything. In fact, we don’t have a choice but to join it, dead or alive. You know, no one is given the right to be so alone.

So how do I conclude how it is to be turning 25? Well –[thinking]– I’d say, “I’m throwing one helluva grandiose party and the universe is my crowd.” 😉

Oh yes, you are cordially invited!

 

See ya! Love,
Ayna

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Quarter Life Crisis on the Brighter Side

Planning Out A Few Firsts

I don’t quite understand how I should feel for 2014. YET. Because it’s going to be the year of the great Quarter Life Crisis…for me, and of course for those my age, particularly those who will be experiencing QLC on time like poor me here. I’m expecting much of driving-myself-crazy and troubling my friends with emotions I couldn’t possibly contain, oftentimes uncontrolled stress eating and then feeling stupid for having eaten too much, crying quiet and out loud, decisions, decisions.

I’ve felt QLC even when 2013 was yet ending and I found myself looking kind of stupid staring blankly somewhere. And then I had to realize as well that I was looking like I’m in deep thoughts, like deciding whether to pursue a crime or planning out how to end the year in a way nobody could have imagined. This is a weird world, haha!

So…so…so before more of this QLC take me to I-Wonder-Land, I thought I should list down a few things I wish to do for the first time. 🙂 Down there.

1. Spend a weekend in a local island “alone.” Of course, I wish for some me-time. I’m a believer of solitude and that we need it from time to time. Nothing much, but to simply enjoy the comfort of being alone, the quiet, the space and everything in it – fresh air, bird songs, sea breeze perhaps, the greenery, and all that. Simple precious bliss of that kind.

2. Go out of the country “alone”. I’m not a loner, let me clarify that. But I believe those people who testify that traveling alone could reveal to you unbelievably many wonders about the world, the humanity, and one’s self. I want that experience. Badly enough. I could imagine myself somewhat lost in an unfamiliar place, figuring out where to go with the help of a handy-dandy map, smiling or nodding or “hello-ing” at strangers I’d find weird and amazing. I’d taste the local street food, visit public hubs and get a feel of how it is to belong to their community. I’d buy a few knick knacks as souvenirs, click here and there, just take photos of this and that. Make friends! Ohhh, make new friends, and see for myself how I would handle the strangeness of being suddenly friends with strangers. Lovely! 🙂

3. Mold a ceramic. I’ve watched fairly several movies and series with scenes where characters are making pots and vases. I remember one movie played by Demi Moore and a co-actor with a slightly intimate scene while doing pottery. Ghost? Or some title like that. Anyway, I want to experience the process of making something beautiful like ceramic vases. I love vases, that’s one. Because I love flowers and I love flowers in vases perched somewhere by the window or wherever the bloomers could bathe under the sunlight passing through doors and windows. I thought I envy the experience of your own hands’ grace shaping something out of mud, which has to turn out as something pretty. There’s one province just outside a border of the metro, which as I’ve heard is home to makers of ceramics. I don’t have to do this one alone. I could go with my sister and my brothers, mom and dad, if they’re here in the north by that time. I wish to learn it with my family, from where I got these bits and pieces of creativity. 🙂

So, good wishes to me and may I be able to add some more along the way so that by the end of this hopefully wonderful year, I will have been so done with my dear quarter life crisis.

Wishin’ you all the best,
Ayna

Planning Out A Few Firsts

My pocket is empTEA

Oriental medicine, Science, and all of the Tea community agree to the lengthy list of health benefits derived from tea. But admittedly, I wouldn’t have grown a love for tea if not for milktea, the yummier variation. Iced milktea? Hah, one medium to large glass, with 25 to 30 percent sugar level, should save my day from all shits. And there goes one of my all-time guilty pleasures!

Me: Milktea is my Rescue 9-1-1. It’s like miktea a day keeps the friggin’ stress away!2013-02-24 17.43.45

Pocket: Non-debatable, I would have to agree with respect to all the hearsay coming around, and even if it would take my lifetime to wish for a taste of that thing. But milktea’s health benefits are actually cut off somewhere.

Me: But it’s “instantly” refreshing, yeah? I-n-s-t-a-n-t-l-y. And I mean, apart from its incredibly long list of health benefits. I suppose you understand how it feels to be pinned down on your work station the whole damn day, and then you start longing for something really refreshing….

Pocket: Like a darn chilled fruit shake that gives you a very sudden brain freeze?

Me: No, not brain freeze. You don’t understand. It’s just that good sensation when your brains get a bit ticklish, not frozen.

Pocket: Yeah? Because whenever I hear you say, “One large wintermelon, please, 25 percent sugar,” I swear Babe, I cringe and freeze.

Me: Like you…cringe and freeze?

Pocket: Damn yeah, so milktea’s not healthy for me, y’ know? ‘Cause your milktea time always means you pulling out my innards, and that’s brutal. You dig into me and take my parts and return a few flattened round materials. And they’re HEAVY. And NOISY. And…and…and I DON’T LIKE THEM!!!

Me: Hey, you talk too much, you’re stressing me out big time! In the first place, are you supposed to be talking? You’re just a pocket! A talking pocket now, and YOU’RE SCARING THE HELL OUT OF ME!

Pocket: Uh oh, bad move….

Me: I’m going down. I need ONE LARGE WINTERMELON MILKTEA, 25% SUGAR.

At the end of the day…

Me: Goodness not so gracious! My pocket is empty…again.

Pocket: I am empTEA.

😀

Enjoy your tea sessions, people!

Loving you to infiniTEA, Ayna 😉

My pocket is empTEA

My Vanity Purse Tells Me I’m Not Girl Enough

It bothered me. I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed when I came across a friend’s post with a photograph of what’s inside her vanity purse – that bag bulging with for-girls-only stuff.

So this friend has a “MAC Lippie in Chatterbox, Revlon Colorstay in Muse, The Face Shop Power Perfection Bb Cream, L’oreal Hope Eyeshadow Quad, Maybelline Great Lash Mascara, Covergirl Trublend Bronzer, Mary Kay Timewise Powder Foundation, Old Navy Lip Gloss, and an Avon Liquid Liner.”

I was like…?????? Sure I know lip gloss, liquid liner, cream, and the other familiar girl things. But that was the first time I heard of bronzer, colorstay; and what’s a Bb cream? And what do they mean by “power perfection”? Sounds impressive though, like the product can turn you into a goddess whatsoever, or a Galadriel (Cate Blanchett, The Lord of the Rings).

Out of some pesky curiosity of why I don’t have those girl stuff, and in the very first place, why they seem new to me, I took out my own purse to see what have I got for my “lady-hood.”

AY_05So I got myself:

  • a spray hand sanitizer
  • a gel hand sanitizer
  • a lip balm
  • a kiddie toothbrush
  • a tiny toothpaste
  • [something like] a hair twiner
  • a lip gloss
  • a pair of tweezers
  • a dental floss
  • a face mirror
  • a hair tie

Then, I wondered if I’m being girl enough. My vanity purse sure lacks the sense of “lady-hood” it’s supposed to possess, but thanks a lot anyway to that knickknack on top of the bag itself. It’s so South Korea, thanks to my previous boss! 🙂

But then I realized (so there’s the cliche, hahaha), makeup is not really my thing, and I mean, not at all. I don’t want them, first of all. Of course, I tried keeping and using some, but they barely held my attention. I do adore dolled up faces because they really are beautiful…oftentimes, stunning! But me sparing at least a quarter of an hour for makeup? Never mind. I better water my lonely euphorbia, Bella, and make coffee and slice some cheese, or take a few photos of my table’s centerpiece.

But then again, am I girl enough? Because my vanity purse tells me I’m not, but I want to tell it, “Let’s not burden ourselves with what we don’t want. Be happy with what you carry for me, because they are what I want, and you make sense to me.” 😀

Sunday good vibes with Love, Ayna 😉

My Vanity Purse Tells Me I’m Not Girl Enough