One night love

There’s that place that exists between the real and the almost real. Like limbo but not exactly. Like coma but something else.

You’ve had those moments when you share a slice of time with a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger doing nothing memorable, just being there with him or her who must be feeling the same way as you do – weird, but satisfyingly good.

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Here’s a story.

It was a long ride all the way from a northern beach town back to the metropolis and the night, although a little too humid, was charmingly peaceful. Everyone was dead tired but not necessarily quiet. It was six hours between the better life in the countryside and the frenzy in the unrelentingly noisy city. My plan was to have the whole time all to sleep. And I did. Only, not entirely.

My head hits something…hard. Bones? Never mind, didn’t hurt anyway. [goes back to sleep]

Heck! Here goes the sleep head-banger, looking f**king stupid, sleepily bobbing my head like a lousy rock star on a high. And it’s hurting my neck big time! [goes back to sleep]

There, there, better now. Not so bumpy and my heavy head finding a place to rest. Whose shoulder is this? Anyway…[goes back to sleep]

[A bit awake and squinting] Asphalt. Lamp posts. Ah, the national highway. Although the entire ride probably looked the same but pretty sure we didn’t hit the express way too soon.

Now this is seriously hurting my neck. But good enough and far better than get my head banging like an annoying doggie car accessory.

Wait, what??? Am I leaning on someone’s shoulder?

Oh. Yeah. This is weird. Ummm, that okay kind of weird.

You’ve had those moments too when it feels like the universe has gone lost in its own mechanics, protested against its own plans. You will notice that something is out of order because every second is supposed to have been planned, timed, and is supposed to be familiar to your senses. But like a watch suddenly malfunctioning, mistakenly switching gears and mixing up time, there are those moments when the universe seems to lose grip and get things out of their proper places and timing. I think that’s exactly when spontaneity happens. Like when love comes in the form of a shooting star. Enchanting, surreal, amazingly beautiful…and always just passing.

[In silence, of course] Hey! Thanks for the shoulder. Good enough for a not-necessarily-soft pillow for the rest of the ride. I mean, I really appreciate it.

I’m quite sure you can feel my head moving up and down to the beat of your breathing. Or perhaps the strands of my hair pressing against your neck. The way we are now, our heads a little too close, I can almost feel my thoughts slipping through the pores of my scalp, being pulled by your neurons. But I just have to be greedy, I can’t share my thoughts with you. Because right now, they are the most precious secrets I hold. And if you’ll get to them, that’s as good as seeing me naked.

Brake. We had to stop for a toilet break. I woke up to the excitement of having to be able to run to the toilet. Sure you know how that feels. But I had to ask first, “Where are we?”; and you said, “Some place in your heart.”; and I asked again, “Yeah?”; and you said, “Imagine that. The whole van fits in your heart.” I couldn’t find a good answer to that so I smiled, rather more like a smirk, and went back to sleep. Well, I was hoping you knew I didn’t. Oh, and I forgot to pee?

The clothes I’m wearing now is this seemingly deep sleep and I’m being very careful not to wake up. Because this sleep is the only thing that’s keeping you from seeing me in my naked form and from getting to my little secret with a lifespan of just this night.

If I wake up, that’s like giving away my little secret to the only person who’s not supposed to know.

Hey! Tonight, I love you. But when this ride ends, this story will also be over – most likely. I’ll be wide awake, reality will pull me out from this “spontanium”, and everything will go back to normal. Like I’ve never loved you and as if you’ve never loved me back.

Thank you anyway for that little infinity. Somehow I wished it was real, but the most it can be was to be almost real. It may never be in the intentions of fate to make it last. But isn’t it beautiful enough that our little infinity ended in a way that no one had to hold back a tear?

I loved you that night,
Ayna

One night love

My Birthday Wishlist

Yo ho, it’s time for another wishlist! I got here a few stuff, which I’d love to name, in hopes that at least two of my friends, and I mean my brother and my sister, would see this list…and you know what should happen next. 😀

1. A quality set of colored pencils. I miss killing time with some hobbies, honestly.

2. A thick sketch pad. No more pages to draw on. Pity.

3. Lots of white and silver paint. I believe that every now and then I will find something good to paint white or silver. Can be a broken toy, an old ladle or something.

4. Half-dozen pairs of pants. Other than the two most probable reasons why I don’t have a lot of pants (a. I didn’t have time to shop when I had the money / b. I didn’t have money when I had time to shop), I’m not sure, too, why I don’t have at least enough pants.

Or yeah, maybe because I’ve cut most of them more than halfway through the length. I have a good number of shorts. 😀

5. A lovely scarf. Always a gift I wish for!

6. Time. *Now wishing for the impossible.* Someone please buy me at least half a year more because I’m so damn not ready for thiiiiiiiisss, hohoho!

But then, it’s TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK. In 18 minutes, it’s gonna be my <insert figure here>th Birthdaaaayyyy! Waaaaaaaahhh…

To God, my God, please bless this day.

Inshallah.

My Birthday Wishlist

Things I Worry About At Twenty-Something

Never would’ve realized these things if I, for once or twice, did not get irritated with myself asking these questions over and over again. 🙂

1. What to wear tomorrow? When I get home from work, I don’t usually spend a while longer in my office clothes slash outfit of the day. Of course, they’re already dirty with soot and sweat. So by the time I change for bed clothes, that’s also the minute I start figuring out what to wear the next day. Slacks? Skirt? Dress? What colors am I going for? Heels? Flats? How about the hair-do? And all that outfit shits. It’s both exciting and frustrating; frustrating when I’ve already gone drowsy and I still haven’t figured it out. Then in the morning, I wake up to panic for not having decided what to wear. So I rush to my outrageous heap of clothes, rummage for a good matching outfit, and that takes me…well…a good deal of time, which in such case is bad. And if I spend a little more time rummaging, I’d arrive in the office at 9:02. Two minutes late! Phew. (Thought: Blame the traffic, not me. HAHAHA!)

2. Have I got enough coins for my bus fare? I should know better now how precious it is to be able to find a seat in the bus on your way to work. Otherwise, you have the right to remain standing all throughout the ride rich in “inertia moments” – those sudden brakes that pull you to that stranger in front and bang your head against his bag; and then push you to another stranger behind and you have to say, “Sorry”. Awful.

For that, I make sure I got my both hands to pin me in place the whole time. So before I leave home, I also make sure I have enough coins to pay my exact fare. Not bills because I don’t have an extra hand to take my change and toss it in my coin purse and dunk it into my bag.

3. What to eat for lunch? What time can I eat lunch? I always wonder what time exactly I can eat my lunch. It’s irritatingly amazing how blood red flags and deadlines can keep you pinned down in your station. Bad thing is that the canteen is way down the ground floor. Then you get to look at the bottom-right corner of your monitor, it’s already 3:00 PM; worse, 4:00 PM. Happy lunch, yeeeaah! 🙂

4. I’m not gonna be late for work, am I? Well, I worry about this everyday, starting when I’m halfway through the travel, or oftentimes when I’m just about to grab my bag and go. As calculated, I have to leave home at 7:45 to 7:50 AM. But because of #1 (What to wear) and this unnecessarily long time in the bath, I often take off at 8:00 to 8:10. It’s not like I’ve wasted thirty minutes but when you know traffic is readily waiting to welcome your day, five minutes is just so damn precious!

5. Where to find a pretty dead twig for my soda bottle vase? An unnecessary worry, fine. But because everytime I open the cupboard I see my empty Sola bottle stripped off of its label, I then start to mentally tour around the neighborhood and scout for a pretty dead twig that looks rustic enough to match our apartment’s intended interior. When I go out to buy food, groceries, whatsoever, I look around for this pretty dead twig but so far always unfortunate.

6. MY LAUNDRYYYY!!! When will I ever run out of dirty clothes??? I don’t need to explain this, right? I don’t usually put off doing my laundry but it’s just awfully unbeatable! Good Lord.

Now, if I think of it, at twenty-something, I still think nonsense…a lot. 🙂

Things I Worry About At Twenty-Something