A Promise of A Goodbye

“Maybe because some things have changed.”

Nah, it’s not some things, love. Everything has changed.

You wrote down your promise, now I have to tear it up. Every strip I make of it will bear every bit of hurt that lingered – the hate that wakes me up midday and midnight, the joy that steals me from what’s real now, the stories we’ve made, and the last few questions that will perhaps remain unasked. All of them gone as I kiss your promise goodbye.

Because we are now at the end of our forever. This is where I let all of it go – the dreams we daydreamed together, the so many nights we skipped sleeping, the so many days we chose to rather spend alone than spend with the rest of the world, and all the times rather spent to sweet nothings.

Now, I free our love, let it fly somewhere out a space we will never know of and from where it will never find its way back to us.

Thank you for every bit of everything. It was worth a story after all. But it ends here, now. And I leave here my tiny hopes for us I’ve been holding for a while. And the only thing that I have to offer now is peace, and a wish for you. May you find the love you’ve long been looking for.

Goodbye.
Ayna

A Promise of A Goodbye

A Love Long Overdue

I lost my best friend to the decision we made long past – to gamble such a one of a kind friendship for a love we thought we could survive. We made a pretty long run for it, and all seven years of giving up and fighting for it again, gone now and not a piece of that past seems repairable. Like every broken piece could only hurt.

I am uncertain as to what point I have for writing this. What’s undeniable though is that I miss my best friend [badly] and it hurts to realize that time, and perhaps all of the universe, has buried our friendship that was witness to a very lovely story in the past. I wish we could talk again the way we did, without inhibitions, just frank, but with hugs kept ready in case one had to cry or lose temper.

It’s safe to say that I was everything to my best friend and I liked it, only that I had most of my decisions shadowed by fears, hesitations, and my unacceptance of the reality I was faced with. I lost grip, gave up, and left my best friend fighting alone for nothing. I loved my best friend but this was often tainted with my doubts about the future, our future. I used to imagine it but each time I did, I would end up losing engine at a crossroad; from there I would stop. I chose to.

Now, what more could I ask for my best friend than the happiness deserved. I didn’t stand for what my best friend was fighting for. So maybe this time I could do good in wishing well.

I hope you are happy now. If we meet again one day, you might never hear the same words I used to say. You just have to remember that I loved you in some special way.

A Love Long Overdue

The Girls & The Grown Ups (?)

Friends have a wonderful way to let each other get by with whatever has to be gotten over with.

Back in college, we were so much suffocated with schoolworks, org activities, barkada issues, and what love life? Hah! Good thing we had each other. Better thing there were lots of videoke bars around the area. Best thing we could simply agree to just sing our madness out!

Everyone’s missing the we-are-all-housemates season (2009-2010). We could just spend a whole long night talking about guys, girls, who’s with whom, who broke up with whom, who had a one night stand with whom, who’s preggy, gitchi gitchi yaya dada; or kill noontime free hours drinking – yes, alcohol. Oh, and we also killed mornings fighting over who was to get a shower first, because nobody wanted to get her ass off the bed. Duh, that universal dilemma. 😀

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2010, @ Nineteenth Hole, LB

The Barkada Litany

1. Mauna ka na maligo. Bilisan mo ha.

2. Nasaan kayo? Pauwi ako ng apartment. Wala akong susi. Eto na ang epekto ng tsaa!

3. Saan tayo kakain?…So saan na tayo kakain?…Ano na mga teh, saan na tayo kakain???

4. Inom tayo! Sa tanghali?

5. Gusto n’yo mag-Canton?

6. Tara IC’s!

7. Saan ka magdidinner? Congga. Chicken teri.

8. Teka lang teng, yung patootie hairs ko!

9. Mga teh late na tayo! Wait, BLUSH ON NALAAANG.

10. Natapos mo na Bookworm?

11. Plants VS Zombies pa din?

12. Shit, amoy aso yung apartment!

13. Ayan o, naka-ngiti na naman si Jollibee, nagugutom na ako. Pa-deliver nalang tayo.

14. Wala na akong pera. Parduch nalang! Yosi nalang.

15. Dali turuan mo kami ng dirty dancing! Pano, pano?

16. *** Teng, eto yung confidence ko o, parang galing sa sun bumagsak SA CORE NG EARTH!

17. *** Wooohhh, climb aboard! May humihilik na barko.

18. Ohoy, may toothbrush na din. Dito na nga nakatira.

19. Shit naman o, nasaan na ANG PANTY KO??? Hinanda ko yun for today e!!!

20. At bakit hindi ka umuwi kagabi? (Boom!)

After two years…housemates no more.

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2012, @ P.F. Chang’s China Bistro, Alabang Town Center

But the same old barkada we are, minus K’s patootie hairs (short hair strands always sticking out of her do) and O’s long hair. 😀

Everyone’s catching up! We meet up in some places around the metro, sit over lunch, coffee, and frappe. And beer. And there, the stories roll again.

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2012, @ Starbucks, Alabang Town Center

Teeenggg…kumusta ka naaa? Teeenggg…T*N*I*A, wala na kamiiii. (Boom!)

P.S. Introducing the characters  of Running Through Chapters 😉

The Girls & The Grown Ups (?)

Few Words For A Friend

For in the end, all that would remain are questions you force yourself to believe have been answered. But not really.

All there is to see would be your smile you force to pull far sideways.
All there is to hear would be your laugh that would never last, unless painstakingly.
All there is to realize now is that you must keep going, whether you run, you walk, or you crawl, no matter how shattered.
Because all you have is a one-way ticket you must waste not.

So, my friend, keep moving. Move on. It’s the sanest, most reasonable choice you could make. Forget about everything else, save yourself. Just yourself. For in one time or another, you have to be selfish to be selfless to yourself.

But all you have are questions you force yourself to believe have been answered. Leave them be, you don’t have to answer them all, save two: What do I need? What do I want?

Think of just yourself. It’s how you move on, even if it feels almost impossible or unbearable. You’ve got to save your sanity because it’s the only thing that matters in the end, after a long way through a consciously-tolerated stupidity. And in the end, it’s sanity you’ll need to pull yourself back together and give yourself what you deserve.

It’ okay. Take your time, and let time take its toll. After all, moving on just too quickly is a drama not worth celebrating. 🙂

Few Words For A Friend