I took a personality test administered by my sister, who is neither a psychologist nor a psychiatrist, but who is fond of reading people’s personalities. About a hundred attitudinal statements and situations to be rated according to frequency. In short, my test results said that I am magical, and more of adventurous, and that I am mostly perfectionist. The negative equivalent is that I am a schizo, more of an ADHD patient, and mostly obsessive-compulsive. The OC. And I was like…me? OC? And from there, I concluded that personality tests are not that reliable. Or so I believe.
Let me explain. From beginning, whensoever it was, and until further notice, I’ve never seriously considered myself as ze OC. I mean, my goodness, it’s a hell of a news to my brother when I get to fold my blanket or my clothes in my dresser, or at least align my shoes among theirs. And then that test telling me I’m 99% OC. Uhmmm…?????????? I’m sorry? 😀
But something happened at work today and while I was making my way home and even until now, I am restless about the mistake I made. Revenue computation. So I’m now as restless as a bunny aware of my sneaky “snakey” predator posing in a corner lusting over the shape of my meat.
I realized that…this is the cliche part of every blog post. Hehehe. 🙂 There, I realized that I am indeed a perfectionist just a little too late in employing that perfectionist in me. Because now, the question that’s breaking my skull is, “Why…why…why the hell did it go wrong?” Why did I allow that? How come I didn’t do double-checking, triple-checking? Where and when did I make the wrong turn? The self-questioning goes on and on, so I’m wondering what time I can manage to sleep tonight. Gah.
Careless perfectionist, then. A perfectionist in the sense that I imagine everything to be perfect, at best, no wrongs, no mistakes; everything to be pretty neat. But then, ironically, I am not careful enough to bring things to their perfect state. I hurry a lot, cutting that very fine line between perfection and failure. I expect the best of things without seriously taking the precautions. I want perfection, only that I am careless enough to miss it.
So there. One thing I’ve got to ponder on, accept and resolve.
What I’m trying to share here is that, simply humans as we are, we have the right to that imperfection embedded in our being humans. But we can at least wish for perfection, give at least a bit of a try to be our best, be more careful not merely to dodge the dangers of the wrongs, but to work for self-improvement, self-discipline, and great things like that.
Goodness gracious, that didn’t sound like me. Thus, it’s good thing I wrote this post for me to have something to go back to and learn from this whosoever self I have right now. 😀
Alright. That’s all. Goodnight and may the blessings of perfection be ever in our favor.