There’s a couple of reasons to feel “deyyym” good today. Aside from the 38th anniversary celebration of my school organization (in college), it’s my older brother’s 2_th birthday! I’ve drawn two cartoon e-cards and posted them on Facebook for my organization and my brother. It was fun!
And it could’ve been more fun, even in the simplest way, had I not been nudged forever by the thought that I’ve been waiting…pretty too long. And I guess I just had all the emotions I needed to make something as sullen as this, out of…waiting.
I’ve been imagining this painting. If you’ve read Something To Paint, I mentioned “a ship’s silhouette on abstract background.” But admittedly, this isn’t exactly the way I’ve painted it on my mind. During the conception of the idea, I was imagining a more sullen ambiance with a higher contrast on the abstract background with the dark tones winning. I saw the ship was that of Jack Sparrow’s Black Pearl rather than one looking only a little bigger than a canoe; the Black Pearl seeming so small against the vastness of the Atlantic. No white light coming from a red moon and born to the ocean waters. No horizon. And so my hand had it its way.
Though long have been painted in my imagination, I never had it brought to life until now, and I know why.
This must be how sad I am. Yet having painted it two tones lighter than how I saw it, I must’ve unknowingly tried to rummage through my sad thoughts to seek for bits of good. And I’ve been trying to betray myself with the comforting thought that I should rather enjoy basking in this self-seeking solitude.
Unfortunately, it’s not solitude I need right now. Not now.