Planning Out A Few Firsts

I don’t quite understand how I should feel for 2014. YET. Because it’s going to be the year of the great Quarter Life Crisis…for me, and of course for those my age, particularly those who will be experiencing QLC on time like poor me here. I’m expecting much of driving-myself-crazy and troubling my friends with emotions I couldn’t possibly contain, oftentimes uncontrolled stress eating and then feeling stupid for having eaten too much, crying quiet and out loud, decisions, decisions.

I’ve felt QLC even when 2013 was yet ending and I found myself looking kind of stupid staring blankly somewhere. And then I had to realize as well that I was looking like I’m in deep thoughts, like deciding whether to pursue a crime or planning out how to end the year in a way nobody could have imagined. This is a weird world, haha!

So…so…so before more of this QLC take me to I-Wonder-Land, I thought I should list down a few things I wish to do for the first time. :) Down there.

1. Spend a weekend in a local island “alone.” Of course, I wish for some me-time. I’m a believer of solitude and that we need it from time to time. Nothing much, but to simply enjoy the comfort of being alone, the quiet, the space and everything in it – fresh air, bird songs, sea breeze perhaps, the greenery, and all that. Simple precious bliss of that kind.

2. Go out of the country “alone”. I’m not a loner, let me clarify that. But I believe those people who testify that traveling alone could reveal to you unbelievably many wonders about the world, the humanity, and one’s self. I want that experience. Badly enough. I could imagine myself somewhat lost in an unfamiliar place, figuring out where to go with the help of a handy-dandy map, smiling or nodding or “hello-ing” at strangers I’d find weird and amazing. I’d taste the local street food, visit public hubs and get a feel of how it is to belong to their community. I’d buy a few knick knacks as souvenirs, click here and there, just take photos of this and that. Make friends! Ohhh, make new friends, and see for myself how I would handle the strangeness of being suddenly friends with strangers. Lovely! :)

3. Mold a ceramic. I’ve watched fairly several movies and series with scenes where characters are making pots and vases. I remember one movie played by Demi Moore and a co-actor with a slightly intimate scene while doing pottery. Ghost? Or some title like that. Anyway, I want to experience the process of making something beautiful like ceramic vases. I love vases, that’s one. Because I love flowers and I love flowers in vases perched somewhere by the window or wherever the bloomers could bathe under the sunlight passing through doors and windows. I thought I envy the experience of your own hands’ grace shaping something out of mud, which has to turn out as something pretty. There’s one province just outside a border of the metro, which as I’ve heard is home to makers of ceramics. I don’t have to do this one alone. I could go with my sister and my brothers, mom and dad, if they’re here in the north by that time. I wish to learn it with my family, from where I got these bits and pieces of creativity. :)

So, good wishes to me and may I be able to add some more along the way so that by the end of this hopefully wonderful year, I will have been so done with my dear quarter life crisis.

Wishin’ you all the best,
Ayna

2014: Project PLUS LOVE

While the new year was just about to take over, I swear I tried hard to formulate at least one resolution I could fool myself with round 2014. Surprisingly, I came up with…well, none. Indecisive at the time, or was I convinced and simply satisfied with my justified imperfection that I didn’t ponder on some things to change in my life, my self. Bad thing, definitely.

Cut short, just yesterday, I pulled off one broad idea, something yeahbsolutely beautiful for my 2014: Project PLUS LOVE. Uhh, it’s no serious campaign. Just some sort of emotional therapy for me, which the whole universe could use, I believe.

Allow me a very quick overview of Project PLUS LOVE. Nothing formal, promise. :)

Vision: A more loving me
Goals: To lessen hating by 50% come June, and will have mastered forgiving by the end of the year
Priority: Grow reasons for loving, calm the hate
Expected output: Everything better

Sounds possible, yeah? But true enough, things aren’t as easy as they seem. This will surely be a daily battle against myself, overcoming impatience, knocking out indifference, brushing off hate, accepting differences, learning to trust the uncertain, so on and on. Guess I’d be walking and talking myself through this project with some little prayers every day, every now and then. Not bad. Not bad. :)

Just a little bit more though. I’ll be doing some “sharing of words and thoughts” in Project PLUS LOVE, and I just came up with one activity: Fri-ed Love as in Friday Edition Love! Every Friday, I’ll post a thought worth sharing for my friends to ponder on over their weekends. Caution though, some may not necessarily make sense. :D

That’s it for now. Happy new year, people! May we all have another year of love and bliss.

Love,
Ayna

Wishing For A Love Long Overdue

I lost my best friend to the decision we made long past – to gamble such a beautiful friendship for a love we thought we could survive. We made a pretty long run for it. And all seven years of giving up and fighting for it again, gone now and not a piece of that past seems repairable. Like every broken piece could only hurt.

I am uncertain as to what point I have for writing this. What’s undeniable though is that I miss my best friend and it hurts to realize that time, and perhaps all of the universe, has buried our friendship that was witness to a precious period of the past. I wish we could talk again the way we did, without inhibitions, just frank, but with hugs kept ready in case one had to cry or lose temper.

It’s safe to say that I was everything to my best friend and I liked it, only that I had most of my decisions shadowed by fears, hesitations, and my unacceptance of the reality I was faced with. I lost grip, gave up, and left my best friend fighting alone for nothing. I loved my best friend but this was often tainted with my doubts about the future, our future. I used to imagine it but each time I did, I would end up losing engine at a crossroad; from there I would stop. I chose to.

Now, what more could I ask for my best friend than the happiness deserved. I didn’t stand for what my best friend was fighting for. So maybe this time I could do good in wishing well.

I hope you are happy now. If we meet again one day, you may never hear the same words I used to say. You just have to remember that I loved you in some special way.

Sunday Brekky @ Breakfast in Bed

This is the cutest stall in our neighborhood, right downstairs of our condo. It’s called Breakfast in Bed.

BB_01A cozy chair with cushions piled up there, looking like macaroons. :)

BB_02Locally called “Champorado”, made of rice boiled in choco-cocoa and then added with evaporated milk. Best with sun-dried fish!

BB_03Some pretty stuff over at the corner to add to the “country-ish, shabby chic-ky” feel of the resto. :)

BB_04I thought I feel in love with this lavender-striped placemat.

BB_05That’s my hat! Even lovelier with all the colors around.

BB_06And these chairs made for comfort, you wouldn’t want to stand up anytime soon. :D